Please let me preface this post by saying I am not a bitter man-hating woman, I don’t curse happy couples on V-Day. I was not recently burned and looking for revenge. I’m just a woman and mom giving her two sense in on 2.14.

It’s cute. From the freshly trimmed bouquets of flowers, to neatly wrapped boxes of chocolate, to plush singing teddy bears, to mushy cards, Valentine’s Day is truly a cutesy day. Supposed to be a day where lovers unite to rekindle their love over expensive dinners and bottles of wine. Where lovers who have gone astray once again remember the love they shared. A chance to spoil your Valentine and show them how much they mean to you. It all sounds GREAT, doesn’t it? It sure does! But, not for this single mama.

Regardless of if I’ve been in a relationship or not, 2/14 has never been my cup of tea, or box of chocolates (haha). I’ve never been able to fully wrap my head around a day dedicated to showing love and affection to those that are live within your heart. Just like with Mother’s Day and Father’s Day I’m a big believer in consistently letting people in your life know you care about them, at every opportunity you get. Maybe this stems from my not being as affectionate with my Grandfather as I wanted to be before he passed. But this day full of drawn out love songs and pink and red hearts kind of just gets on my nerves, as a woman and single mama.

Yes, I’m a single mama, and damn proud of the life I’ve building for myself and my daughter. But, riddle me this, why do some think that because I don’t depend on a man, live with a man, have a man on my arm, mean that I MUST be unhappy and bitter and lonely. It MUST mean that I’m on the prowl desperately searching for some arm candy to open the door, buy me dinner, and some chocolate covered strawberries?

In the words of my new friend via YouTube, Sweet Brown:

Do I want to eventually a forever kind of love? A partner to romance and share life’s beautiful memories with? A loving father and husband to grow old with? Hell-to-the-yes!! LOVE is a beautiful beautiful thing!! However, as a woman with dignity, I refuse to be sucked into believing that because I am single and not seeking on Valentine’s Day means that I’ve got my priorities all messed up and backwards.

So Valentine’s Day, you can keep your sweetheart candies, red artificial lollipops, and overpriced Valentine’s cards. This single mom is happily not seeking this year, and is oh so very content with me, myself, and I!

When I launched this blog in early spring, I was super excited about the road ahead, and it’s been truly amazing. It hasn’t been easy, and I’ve come up against some sneaky competitive bloggers which had me down and out for a while. But then I got emails from friends and strangers sharing with me how they have connected with my writing and style. Pretty dope. And it helped me refocus on what made this blog so special to me and my readers and less about the actions of others.

I’ve been working my butt off to build my blog and brand and have had some great opportunities. The newest I’m super psyched to share. I’m now a new Family Life contributor with 5 Minutes for Mom, an amazing community connecting moms with information and inspiration. I am so thrilled to be part of their team, and so excited to have my voice on such a huge platform.

I’ve written two posts so far, and would love your support:

When Children Ask Questions about Death and Dying | July 2012

What Single Moms Want Their Married Friends To Know | July 2012

That’s my good news of the week, what new and exciting is going on in for you?

I’ve always had high expectations of myself. Being where I’m at has never been good enough. I’m insatiable. Perfectionist? No. Over achiever? Gosh yes. These expectations drastically increased once I became someone’s Mom. Increased again once I became a solo parent. I am still trying to understand my place as a single mother, co-parenting with someone I once loved. He and I were such an unexpected match, a beautiful disaster if you will. I craved him. And now, being in his presence embarrasses me. You live and you learn and you love and you fall out of love. But, when a child is created from that once blissful warm union things tend to get tricky…dangerous even.

I have no intention of being a nasty coparent, though I do admit that I am a ferocious emotional creature. This is who I am and I’ve accepted it and am working on reigning in my emotions. Motherhood has been nothing but an adventure that I’ve gladly strapped myself in for, lifted my hands in the air, and enjoyed. Co-parenting on the other hand…I greatly dislike it. It tends to bring out the worst in me (my fault), nothing nothing nothing could prepare me for what occurred early this year when my daughter came home and told me she had a baby sister.

Lil Mama: Mommy I have a baby sister.

Me: What? No you don’t, I’m not pregnant!

Lil Mama: No Mommy, Daddy has a baby. I have a baby sister.

Me: Whaatt? No, no, he doesn’t have another baby silly.

Lil Mama: Yes, yes he does, I met her!

Me: (silence)

I…I…broke down. Drowning, I felt I was drowning, gulping down mouthfuls of water. I was not prepared. I have not been able to stomach talking with my daughter about this new addition to her father’s family. Perhaps it’s because he and I are going head to head, perhaps it’s because I don’t want to accept it. This is someone I was in love with, shared a bed with, created a child with. Perhaps I’m not woman enough to get over my bitterness. But I am woman enough to admit I don’t know how to handle this situation. When she brings up this baby I am either silent or change the topic quick, fast, and in a hurry.

Digging deeper I think I’m trying to protect my daughter and myself. I’m not being selfish, but this isn’t just about my daughter, it’s about me as well. Because I am the one who once again has to clean up the mess. I have to answer the questions she asks. This new addition was sprung on her, no conversations were had, and I’m livid he wasn’t man enough to inform me so I could talk with her about it. I think a lot about what her views on her Father are, and men in general. I DON’T want her to think that his behavior is the norm – that this is what men are all about. But, how can I make her think any different when she adores him?

How can I protect her from men like her own Father?

What makes my family strong? As part of the Strong Families Mama’s Day Our Way campaign I wrote a very honest raw post about what makes my single-parent household strong. I’ve got the heart of a lion and will continue raising my daughter in a warm loving home without a partner muting the naysayers.

From my post: “Too many times I doubted myself and my capacity to be a good mother. Far too often I let these negative thoughts creep into my thoughts, haunting me. Making me question my own strength and resilience. It was often with a shaky hand and self-doubt that I moved forward and persevered as a young single mom.” 

The goal of this campaign is to highlight the moms in our communities who are often marginalized, maligned by politicians and the media.

My post can be read in entirety on the Massachusetts Alliance on Teen Pregnancy  website and also the Strong Families website.

My post talks about what makes my family strong, and I’d love to hear your thoughts. What makes your family strong?