Don’t compromise yourself; you’re all you’ve got.
I’ve spent a lot of the past nine years stepping over and around my life. I’ve compromised myself and my happiness over and over because I’ve been too afraid to take risks or take a leap of faith. A mom at 19, and single mom at 22, I was determined to provide stability and find strength through my struggles. I thought the only way I could persevere was to stay within my comfort zone and have life stay the same. I didn’t want to rock the boat for fear I would get thrown off and wouldn’t be able to find balance again.
As my 29th birthday rapidly approaches I’ve been thinking a lot about all that’s happened in my 20s – a child, finding love, losing love, becoming a single mom, graduating college, watching my daughter grow. It’s been an incredibly remarkable and devastating experience thus far. But as I look forward – I want more.
I talk much about my struggles in coparenting, trying to find strength in raising a daughter on my own and my lack of a support system. What many don’t know is that over the past six years I’ve had the pleasure of welcoming love back into my and my daughter’s life. I’ve found what I thought I never would – a forever kind of love. His support and love is unconditional, he is amazing with my daughter, and he wants us to be a family.
One problem. He lives in New York. And we live in Massachusetts.
When we were first talking about our future, moving to the big apple was completely out of the question. Me in NYC? I can’t even survive weekend visits there. Mass is my home, it’s where I grew up, where some of family is, I KNOW Massachusetts. New York is unfamiliar, how could I ever think of moving to the city that never sleeps….with my daughter?
Remember that boat I was worried about rocking? Remember that leap of faith I didn’t want to take? There have been far too many times I’ve blamed life and its circumstances for my not pursuing various avenues in life – when really the only person standing in my way was…me. My 20s have been about change, growth, and trying to figure life out. I want my 30s and beyond to be about LOVE and HAPPINESS and ADVENTURE. It’s all I’ve wanted but have been too scared to accept into my life.
And so I’m considering moving to New York next year.
It’s crazy to even write since I’ve been so against it for so long. But, there comes a time in life where you can either continue along the same path you’ve been on or decide to venture off somewhere new. I’m blessed to have someone amazing and completely supportive by my side as we navigate our future. There is so much to consider – which borough we’d live in, what school she’d attend, what job I’d be interested in, battling with her coparent to leave the state. But you know what? I’ve spent too much time avoiding difficult situations that I’m facing this head on, but I need help and advice. Moving out of state to a large urban environment is a huge adjustment – especially when the number of people I know is much more limited.
With a year to figure this all out – what should I be considering? What should I be factoring in and what resources can I tap into for support? How can our family prepare for such a change?