Posts Tagged ‘love’

Through Love & Loss I Am Grateful

I realize more and more how much I don’t step back and appreciate the life I’ve been given. It’s too easy for me to focus on the negative, focus on what I don’t have, how far I still have to go. So easy to focus on my shortcomings, and not my resilience. So my first step in appreciating what I have in my life is taking count of all the things I’m grateful for.

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This year, I’m thankful for being aware that I need to work on being more grateful.

I’m grateful for the ability to give life – for my amazing daughter who I love more and more every day.

 I’m grateful for experiencing loss and heartbreak this year, these experiences initially crumbled me, but they have also humbled me as well.

 I’m grateful for my ability to love deeply and completely and without question. For some don’t have the capacity to do so.

 I’m grateful for my Mother not being more of a presence in my life.

 I’m grateful for a Sister and Brother-in-Law who have been my #1 supporters. They love my daughter and me unconditionally, and we are so lucky.

 I’m grateful for the home I live in, the memories on the walls, and the warm beds my daughter and I climb into bed every night.

 I’m grateful for my true genuine friends who love me when I don’t feel very lovable, who don’t judge when I need space, who motivate me, and who have welcomed me into their homes, hearts, and families.

 I’m grateful for my ability so smile – even through pain and depression.

 I’m grateful for new opportunities I’ve been afforded this year which have helped me grow as a person, writer, and woman.

 I’m grateful for this space in the blogosphere that has allowed me to connect with so many amazing people and form new budding friendships.

 I’m grateful to spend Thanksgiving with my 93-year-old Grandma and my sister and her family this Thanksgiving.

 I am grateful.

I am grateful.

I am grateful.

 Happy Thanksgiving to you and your family.



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Single Mom Not Seeking this Valentine’s Day

Please let me preface this post by saying I am not a bitter man-hating woman, I don’t curse happy couples on V-Day. I was not recently burned and looking for revenge. I’m just a woman and mom giving her two sense in on 2.14.

It’s cute. From the freshly trimmed bouquets of flowers, to neatly wrapped boxes of chocolate, to plush singing teddy bears, to mushy cards, Valentine’s Day is truly a cutesy day. Supposed to be a day where lovers unite to rekindle their love over expensive dinners and bottles of wine. Where lovers who have gone astray once again remember the love they shared. A chance to spoil your Valentine and show them how much they mean to you. It all sounds GREAT, doesn’t it? It sure does! But, not for this single mama.

Regardless of if I’ve been in a relationship or not, 2/14 has never been my cup of tea, or box of chocolates (haha). I’ve never been able to fully wrap my head around a day dedicated to showing love and affection to those that live within your heart. Just like with Mother’s Day and Father’s Day I’m a big believer in consistently letting people in your life know you care about them, at every opportunity you get. Maybe this stems from my not being as affectionate with my Grandfather as I wanted to be before he passed. But this day full of drawn out love songs and pink and red hearts kind of just gets on my nerves, as a woman and single mama.

Yes, I’m a single mama, and damn proud of the life I’m building for myself and my daughter. But, riddle me this, why do some think that because I don’t depend on a man, live with a man, have a man on my arm, mean that I MUST be unhappy and bitter and lonely. It MUST mean that I’m on the prowl desperately searching for some arm candy to open the door, buy me dinner, and some chocolate covered strawberries?

In the words of my new friend via YouTube, Sweet Brown:

Do I want to eventually a forever kind of love? A partner to romance and share life’s beautiful memories with? A loving father and husband to grow old with? Hell-to-the-yes!! TRUE LOVE is a beautiful beautiful thing!! However, as a woman with dignity, I refuse to be sucked into believing that because I am single and not seeking on Valentine’s Day means that I’ve got my priorities all messed up and backwards.

So Valentine’s Day, you can keep your sweetheart candies, red artificial lollipops, and overpriced Valentine’s cards. This single mom is happily not seeking this year, and is oh so very content with me, myself, and I!



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Where is the love, the love, the love?

I’ve read so many anti-valentines updates today, and they’ve all rubbed me the wrong way. I’ve spent the past 2 Valentine’s Day with my significant other, but this year I’m single. And before today I was feeling really bummed about it. I mean, you can’t escape the reds and pinks and flowers and cards and candy. I was like, come ON already!! I was entirely salted that I was spending this Valentine’s Day without a boo by my side to enjoy this hallmark holiday with. And when I woke up I was all my all black everything status. No happiness here, just gloominess. Then I had a change of heart. I told myself my emotions determine the mood. This can either be a good day or I can spend the whole day miserable. So I put my black dress back, and instead chose a cream one topped off with a light pink scarf. And I decided that today was going to be a good day. Who friggen cares that I don’t have a boo today. I’m not going to curse all the couples I see. Love is a beautiful beautiful thing. And if people are lucky enough to find it than that’s glorious. We need to stop the hate, and appreciate!! We should all remember the wonderful people in our lives that we love and that mean something to us. This is a day not only for lovers, but this is a day for love in general. 

my daughter this am
I am so so blessed to have a awesome 5 year old to call my daughter and I love her to pieces. She is my valentine today and always. I turned my frown around when I saw her hair standing up in bed as she perked up and said mommy, its party day at school! She lights up my life, and makes me truly appreciate my ability to love and be loved.
And know what else I love about this hallmark holiday? Super awesome valentine chocolate will be discounted tomorrow! Hollller!!


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In 2011 I choose….

In 2009 I initiated Africa 500. An effort to collect 500 books for an impoverished primary school in Zimbabwe. Together with friends and professors I completed this task and was able to ship close to 500 books over to the library of the primary school. After the first shipment of books arrived, the community decided to name the new library after me. Little did I know, but my efforts all the way in Massachusetts sparked a change within the community in Zimbabwe. My seemingly small effort enacted a sense of excitement within the community, and the principal encouraged everyone to learn how to read.
In 2010 I created Mommy Glow. I created Mommy Glow because as a younger minority mom I didn’t hear the voices of other young moms (especially minorities) represented positively in media and print. So I brought my voice into words and have the joy of connecting and collaborating with other moms of various backgrounds and nationalities. And what a wonderful journey it’s been.
In 2011 self-love is the journey I’m undertaking. I can honestly say that I don’t have much self-love. My love is showered on my daughter. She is my joy. She is my heart. She is love. I don’t take the time to learn myself and love myself. And, I suppose I don’t know how. I grew up in a household where my Mother wasn’t openly affectionate with me and my siblings. When I was a teenager, she wasn’t around much and I was just sort of wandering. I was lonely. My Father was not a part of my life, and I leeched onto boyfriends to fill the void within my heart. Looking back now I see that I was looking for a cure. A cure for an unfulfilled heart. A heart quenching for love and admiration. A love that I didn’t get from either parent. And when I loved, I loved hard. Too hard. Fell too fast. Hurt so badly I bled. I put up with so much that I shouldn’t have. For what…love? I’m not sure I know what love is.
My solution to the end of a relationship was to fill my time with someone else. I didn’t want to think, I didn’t want to hurt, I just wanted to f-e-e-l. To feel something other than numb. Silly me, huh? I have yet to heal from my past relationships. Left are wounds that still hurt, that still bleed. These wounds are left unattended, because I’m afraid to go back and fix them, to remember the pain. And I hold so much guilt inside. The guilt weighs so heavy on my mind. On my heart. I’ve realized that no one else can remove this weight. Regardless of how much they love me. Because if I don’t love me, no one can ever truly love me. Which begs the question, who am I? I feel that my purpose has been clearer since giving birth to my daughter. But am I just a Mother? I eat, sleep, and bleed for my daughter. And she knows that. People who know ‘me’ know that. I cannot be away from her without having a slight asthma attack. But I’ve gotten to the point where I have too much baggage. I have so much hurt within that it’s starting to seep out of me. I don’t want to feel hurt anymore. I don’t want to lean on relationships to mend my heart. It’s up to me.
So in 2011 my journey is self-love. Self-acceptance. To find out who I am. To find out what makes me happy, because I’m unhappily unhappy, and it’s not ok. It’s not ok.


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