Posts Tagged ‘friendship’

Co-Parenting 101: Finding Your Own Tribe


My guest post on The Cubicle Chick

Over the past seven years, I’ve gone through the ultimate lows while engaged in a high conflict co-parenting relationship. Feelings of inadequacy, isolation, depression, and severe anxiety have plagued me the majority of the time. I only exacerbated the situation by shutting down physically and emotionally, at times feeling unable to process all that I was going through myself. A ball of fury at most times, ready to explode or break down at any moment; my emotional sanity drowning. Not able to process the feelings myself, I refused to talk with anyone about what I was going through and how it was affecting me. Scared that if I were to open my mouth and share my truth I wouldn’t be understood.

When you have to literally fight for your child, have to fight for what they deserve, in front of a stranger in a robe, it changes you. When you look at the father of your child and realize you don’t know him and never did, when he reminds you of your own deadbeat dad – it changes the person you are. I guess it only changes you if you let it. My experiences have hardened my already dense exterior. They don’t understand. They can’t understand. They don’t know my ex. They don’t know my struggle. This is what I told myself over and over and over again.

I grew up with a fierce sense of independence, which hasn’t made it comfortable for me to ask for help or open up to anyone. Even with my core group of friends, I found myself opening up and then instantly regretting it. Afraid that they’ll see too much of my mess. Afraid that I’ve exposed too much of myself. Afraid not of their reaction, but my inability to move past my own grief of a failed relationship. Grief that my daughter’s father will never be what she needs.

I didn’t value having a tribe for a long time. That fierce sense of independence got the best of me – I could do it all on my own. Or so I thought. I struggled for awhile finding my tribe – worried that my instincts were off and I would trust the wrong people, again. Finding your tribe and people you can open up too isn’t easy. I needed to find my tribe because I realized I couldn’t continue attempting to be a good mother or good friend without having emotional support, especially when I was in and out of court with my ex.

Read the rest of “Co-Parenting 101: Finding Your Own Tribe” over on The Cubicle Chick!


Celebrating Latinas at the #SMlatinas event at Pio Pio!

Last week I had the incredible opportunity to attend the Blog Her conference in the heart of The Big Apple – more on that in another post. The highlight of my time in NYC wasn’t the conference surprisingly, but rather a party before the event, the Stiletto Media Kick Off Your Heels Event at Pio Pio Restaurant.

I’ve been part of the Stiletto Media (#SMlatinas) group for awhile now, and was so so excited to meet some of the ladies I communicate with regularly through social media in person!! The event was an opportunity for us to network, make new friends, and celebrate being latinalicious bloggers!

In addition to endless Sangria, delectable hors d’oeuvres, and glitter tattoos there was friendship. I met Migdalia the powerhouse of Stiletto and fellow single mom, Lourdes a friendly latina who made me get my first glass of Sangria, instantly clicked with Gloria another former teen mom, Sili my silly Sili with an electric smile, super friendly Maria who welcomed me in with a warm hug, Rachelwho was just too cool for school, beautiful Heiddi & super sweet Eileen!! Along with many more, we posed, we drank, we laughed, and most importantly we supported each other.

Listen, getting a group of opinionated ladies together doesn’t always end well. But in this instance, in this atmosphere, we were one big latina family. There was no pressure, no cattiness, there was acceptance. I’ve struggled for a long time figuring out where I fit in, there was no doubt I was supposed to attend this #SMlatinas party and meet the wonderful ladies that I did.

In my busy day to day life I don’t give myself the opportunity to kick back and enjoy with friends, and I’m so glad I did. I brought out the hot pink dress (representing Stiletto!) and the heels for this event! The pictures just begin to tell a story of the fun we had, it was truly a night to remember.

Me & Gloria of Teen Mom NYC

HUGE thanks to our generous sponsors Sweet Pickles Books, HP, COVERGIRLAvocados from Mexico, and Glitter Tattoo NY for supplying us with awesome goodies to take home!! Many thanks to the photographers, videographers and Migdalia’s oldest son Karl for taking snapping great pictures of us throughout the night!

Stiletto Media is an amazing sisterhood connecting influential latina bloggers with creative voices and experiences. If you are interested in joining this sisterhood please visit Stiletto Media, and be sure to connect with us through Twitter by using the hashtag #SMlatinas

SMlatinas, stietto mediaDisclosure: As a member of the Stiletto Media Blogger Network, my trip to the VIP Latina Blogger Event was sponsored, but as always, my thoughts and words are my own.


Who’s got your WHOLE back?

Well…who? I was having a conversation with a friend about ridding myself of toxic people, but that in doing have become a bit lonely. She brought up a great point of understanding that the various “friends” in our lives fill various roles, but few people have your whole back.
What do I mean? Looking through my phone right now there are a total of 2 people I can call at any time for any reason who I know will listen to me and also not just tell me what I want to hear, but give it to me straight, no chaser. Don’t get me wrong, I know a lot of people, but I’m not quick to call someone my friend right off the bat.
But then I’m like damn, really only 2 people? But see, I don’t confuse friendship with loyalty. I guess I just know where my “friends” fit into my life. Not everyone is willing to support you through the good, the bad, and the ugly. These 2 ride-or-die friends that I have are not parents. But they understand the various struggles I face being a younger single mom, working fulltime and going to school and trying to have a social life. They don’t try to put me in a box. They see potential and inspiration through my chaos.
It’s these people I am able to open up completely with, and that’s rare for me. I’ve had a lot of issues with dishonesty and trust in previous friendships, which makes it very hard for me to reach out and make connections.
There are many people that support me…but it’s only to an extent. And I’ve had to learn to accept that, and as a result I don’t have a great with them. I’m glad to say that I have genuine people around me who will stand by me no matter what, but it’s bittersweet. I look back at all the friendships that I’ve had, that never reached full bloom. I get caught up over it every now and again, but I’m a firm believer that everything happens for a reason.
You know that phrase: People come into your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime. When you figure out which one it is, you will know what to do for each person. Mmhmm! Not everyone friendship we have will blossom.
So, who’s got your WHOLE back? For me it isn’t any of my family members or childhood friends. It’s my earthy-crunchy co-worker who is my complete opposite. And the second is my Ex, who still remains my closest male friend to this day. I appreciate them, and as much as they support me, I’m there to support them.
It’s great that I’m able to cross paths with such diverse people, but at the end of the day it’s about quality over quantity when it comes to friendships. Well, to me at least.