Posts Tagged ‘baby’
I was over reading The Young Mommy Life’s most recent post, Love Letter to my 2 year old. Tara wrote a letter to her soon to be 2 year old son, and it really touched me and is the inspiration for this post.
My daughter will be 5 at the end of next month (where in the world did time go??) when she was first born I didn’t work and had time to write in my journal about motherhood and update her baby book and work on her scrapbook. But as time went on I went back to work, and if that wasn’t enough I went back to school full-time. So now I work full-time, am a full-time student, and a single mom. So needless to say my schedule is a bit packed and I hardly have time to breathe most days. But Tara’s post made me think about that journal that I wrote in.
My daughter turning 5 next month is a big landmark for me. For us. A few days after her 5th birthday I’ll be celebrating (dreading) my 25th birthday. I think back to 2:11pm on September 22nd, 2005 when I saw my surprisingly pale daughter for the first time. I thought she’d be a baby forever. And when she became a toddler I thought she’d be a toddler forever. And now as we prepare for her to start Kindergarten in just weeks, I cannot not believe that my baby girl has grown up so fast.
I don’t want to forget about the little things she says and the funny things she does. These moments are so precious and priceless and I want to be able to remember them and share them with her when she is older.
So I’ve decided I want to journal about motherhood, a diary for my daughter when she gets older. I can track my thoughts and feelings as she continues to grow and learn and explore. I should have started this when she was a baby, but better late than never.
|My baby girl when she was 6 months|
I never wanted to be a ‘baby’s mama’. My image of one was of a high strung woman with rollers in her hair, wearing flip flops, sweatpants and a wife beater, carrying around a baby on her hip going off at her child’s father (where that image came from…I have no idea). So obviously my association of a baby’s mama was a negative one. It assumed the parents did not get along and fighting was their language. The child as a result was the one who suffered.
Again, I repeat, I never ever ever wanted to be a ‘baby’s mama’. I grew up with just my Mother in the house (thank you mom) and I really appreciate that she never forced me on my….well the guy who is…I don’t consider him part of my family at all, so we’ll call him X. I learned through the years of trying to reach out to him consistently that he couldn’t care less about what I was going through, about what my dress was like for Prom, or the first guy to break my heart, or what College I was applying too, heck that I was even applying to College. I tried so hard for so long for X to acknowledge my existence and take an interest in me, I mean I was his daughter, right?…right? I guess not.
I never really thought I’d have kids (before I found out I was pregnant), but once I had a child of my own the thought of being a single parent of being a ‘baby’s mama’ never crossed my mind even though my daughter’s father and I didn’t have a solid relationship. We tried to make it work, and it ran smoothly for awhile, but went ka-put right in front of my eyes. And I gotta tell ya, even though I’ve been a ‘baby’s mama’ for about 2 ish years I don’t like it, I don’t like it, I don’t like it. There’s a slight pain in my heart when someone asks if my daughter’s father and I are still together, they hear the no, then give me the ooohh then their eyes graze the floor. That together with my race and age and I sometimes feel like people assume of course you wouldn’t be with your kids dad…just another stereotype. And I know I shouldn’t care what anyone says…but I can’t help but want to say yes I’m with my daughters father, we are a family. But I cannot tell a lie.
But you know what…I’m not a baby’s mama, my name is Alex, excuse me, my name is Alexandra and yes my daughter’s father and I are separated, but we are both involved in our daughter’s life and both love her little dancing self to pieces. I sometimes find myself slipping up though; I get a bit flippant and high strung with him sometimes (that’s normal right?)…but you won’t catch me with rollers in my hair
In your experience do baby’s mamas get a bad rap? If so, how come?
Artist P. Byrnes featured a cartoon in the March 2000 issue of the New Yorker. The cartoon is of a baby looking into a mirror thinking ‘this diaper makes my butt look big…’ Hmm, does this innocent child truly feel his butt looks big? Did someone tell him his butt looked big? Maybe I’m overreacting, but I was really taken back by the image, and I got pissed.
Now that I am a mother, image has been something that I am concerned about for my daughter. It started before she was born. I ensured I got the best stroller, diaper bag, crib, and diapers. Then when she was born, I only dressed her in brand name clothes and made sure everything matched and her hair was done. I raised my nose at those who bought store named diapers and clothes. Why? Because I am conceited? No, but because I feel that how she looks is a reflection of the type of person I am and is a reflection of me. Making sure she is put together in public shows that I have the time to dress her and do her hair, a reflection that I am a good mom. Right?
Am I that concerned with what other people think?
Kids & Image
From babies to kids, there are tons and tons of toys for kids nowadays. From talking Dora dolls to Bratz dolls. What are Bratz dolls? Let me paint a picture: a little shorter than a Barbie, a face overtaken with large lips and eyes. Lips gleaming with pink lipstick and eyes drunken with eye shadow, eyeliner, fake eyelashes, and mascara. Bleach blonde hair all the way down their back. A tight fitting neon strapless dress with a belt at the waist and stiletto heels…maybe Jimmy Choo? Are you kidding me? These nasty lil dolls are NOT allowed in my home. Period.
Parents purchase these ridiculous dolls without knowing the underlying results behind it. Girls who own these dolls often want to be like them. What image are the manufactures sending with dressing these dolls in these provocative get-ups? What are parents telling their children when they want a ‘sexy’ dress and hair extensions and makeup? Where is the line drawn? And when did growing up stop being fun and start being scary?
Ask young girls who their role models are and I doubt they’ll say Harriet Tubman or Joan of Arc. Instead they’ll say they want to grow up to be Britney Spears. The Britney Spears who dresses provocatively and grinds left and right?
Why has society accepted these rump-shaking girls as role models?
Why has society accepted these rump-shaking girls as role models?