Father’s Day Reflections from a Single Mom & Fatherless Child

The beer has been cracked, presents opened, and countless #FathersDay shoutouts on Twitter and Facebook have finally settled down, and I’m here reflecting on another Father’s Day searching for a man to look up too, to praise for putting his kids first. I’ve started this post now three times, trying to get my thoughts together, trying to understand my feelings. I don’t know why I still get so emotional on Father’s Day. This is now the second time I’ve teared up today; I swear I’m stronger than this. My heart aches for the fatherless child I was, who spent years trying to understand why her Father didn’t love her, why he didn’t want to spend time with her. I’d leave angry voicemails for him cursing him for loving his new family, and not loving me. I needed him…and he was never there. It took me a long time to stop being angry at him, to release the pain and accept the past for what it was. He was supposed to be the first real “man” in my life – and he left. So much for a good role model. His absence affected me in ways I didn’t realize until now. It shaped my view of me and men. For the longest time I thought, how is any man supposed to love me when my own Father doesn’t?

Lil Mama & her Dad (2008)

Luckily his absence doesn’t cripple me anymore, I’ve been able to look past it, but I still don’t have a great father role model to look up too. I lost my one good example of a strong father role model, my Grandpa, four years ago on the morning of my 23rd birthday. Bless his beautiful soul. So on this Father’s Day I look past my blues and praise all of the amazing Fathers out there who love their children and show them every chance they get. Being a Father to me is one thing, but being a Dad is another. Dad’s sacrifice, get their hands dirty, and get silly with their kids. Kids need their Dad’s, regardless of if their parents are in a relationship or not. This took me awhile to fully understand, being the Ox that I am I thought “single parent” I can do that single-handedly, no problem! Uh-uh. There are important things her Dad needs to experience with her, even though we have differences nothing compares to the smile she has when she sees him, and for that I am grateful. We won’t always see eye to eye as parents, but I’ll never question if he has his daughter’s back. She knows that her Daddy loves her, even though he has a different house and another family – this is what is most important. She is very lucky to have two parents who love her and would do anything for her. To quote John Mayer, “fathers be good to your daughters.”

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9 Responses to “Father’s Day Reflections from a Single Mom & Fatherless Child”

YUMMommy says:

Yes, fathers should be good to their daughters indeed! Having a positive male role model to look up to is very important for children, especially girls. I’m glad that lil mama and her dad have a good bond and that despite your differences, you both see and understand the importance of that!

Sometimes I think that fathers do not realize how important they are in a child’s life and the scars their absent can leave. I’m glad you had the courage to move on and that your little one is able to experience her life with to parents that love her to the fullest.


Irene says:

great post Alexandra. I am sorry for you and feel your pain. No matter how old we are, we always need our daddy’s. I lost my father 8 years ago and the pain is still so fresh. I don’t know how many times i broke down yesterday missing him so much. No matter how we loose them, a loss is a loss

Yum Yucky says:

((raises hand)) I had no daddy in my life either. Never met my Dad, and my mom wasn’t around for a very long time in my life (although she is now). I’m very blessed that my children have both their parents. God is good.

It is so important for all children to have their mother and their father as their role models. Unfortunately, your situation is not a unique one and it is sad that so many fathers, and mothers in some cases, shirk their parental duties. You turned out amazing, in spite of his absence. 🙂

Wow! What a beautiful website. O.k. Miss photogenic, this is a first that I write a comment before reading the post, but I was so impressed to tell you how much I like the look of your site. Its very refreshing and uplifting. I look forward to now reading some of your posts. I’m a new follower already. 😀 (lol) -Sight unread. 🙂 Thanks for linking up to the Getting To Know You Blog Hop. God bless you and have a terrific day!


Wonderful post and beautifully written. Your daughter is very blessed that you both are empowering her with your unconditional love for her. Kudos to you both for putting her welfare and development ahead of anything else. 😀

Gloria says:

Very touching post Alexandra; and I’m sorry for your pain. Following you from MBC and hope to read more of your posts. Hope you will please follow me too:)


Ruby says:

🙁 My heart hurts for many reasons after reading this. I can never understand why a parent wouldn’t want to be in their child’s life.

I am happy to hear your child has 2 great parents that have lots of love to give her!

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