If you didn’t get a chance, be sure to check out -part one- of this post which was featured yesterday!
Deciding to face myself and a turbulent past was scary and I wasn’t sure how to go about it. It has been a process of self-love, acknowledgment and grief. When I was cracked open is when the breakthrough happened. I didn’t know how to take care of myself before, it was wildly uncomfortable. I learned so much through conversations with friends and mentor Tara of The Young Mommy Life about the necessity of prioritizing self care and the harsh consequences when you don’t.
In 2015 I laid my burden down and as a result I’ve experienced immense growth. I’ve uncovered a softer more vulnerable me that is anxious (of course) to see life through a new lens. And for this opportunity I will forever hold 2015 close to my heart.
I couldn’t have been able to begin to lift myself up out of the trenches without constant support. It began at home with my daughter and boyfriend. It spread to friends close by and online and even strangers. I hung my burdens for all to see and instead of a pity party or further shame they ALL embraced me. To feel love and warmth when you don’t feel loveable is something magical. I am thankful for the kindness of my network for showering me with support in my darkest time. It’s something that I will never ever forget. In a world full of so much hate I was reminded that kindness will always win.
I look at the emotional and mental journey I’ve taken in just four months and I’m so proud that I decided to change my trajectory for myself and ultimately my family. Living in a world of shame, guilt and self-hate benefitted no one and it was a horrible dark place to live. Through this process I lost myself as well as friends. And learned a very important lesson: if you don’t invest in YOU don’t expect anyone else to invest in you. Finding what success looks like for me both personally and professionally cannot come without investment, love and respect for ME. It starts with me. Change starts with each one of us deciding to make a better tomorrow.
I am PROUD that I am choosing this journey. It’s not over yet, but for the first time in a long time I’m looking forward to what my future can offer now that I’ve decided to lay my burdens down.