Archive for May, 2011

Who’s got your WHOLE back?

Well…who? I was having a conversation with a friend about ridding myself of toxic people, but that in doing have become a bit lonely. She brought up a great point of understanding that the various “friends” in our lives fill various roles, but few people have your whole back.
What do I mean? Looking through my phone right now there are a total of 2 people I can call at any time for any reason who I know will listen to me and also not just tell me what I want to hear, but give it to me straight, no chaser. Don’t get me wrong, I know a lot of people, but I’m not quick to call someone my friend right off the bat.
But then I’m like damn, really only 2 people? But see, I don’t confuse friendship with loyalty. I guess I just know where my “friends” fit into my life. Not everyone is willing to support you through the good, the bad, and the ugly. These 2 ride-or-die friends that I have are not parents. But they understand the various struggles I face being a younger single mom, working fulltime and going to school and trying to have a social life. They don’t try to put me in a box. They see potential and inspiration through my chaos.
It’s these people I am able to open up completely with, and that’s rare for me. I’ve had a lot of issues with dishonesty and trust in previous friendships, which makes it very hard for me to reach out and make connections.
There are many people that support me…but it’s only to an extent. And I’ve had to learn to accept that, and as a result I don’t have a great with them. I’m glad to say that I have genuine people around me who will stand by me no matter what, but it’s bittersweet. I look back at all the friendships that I’ve had, that never reached full bloom. I get caught up over it every now and again, but I’m a firm believer that everything happens for a reason.
You know that phrase: People come into your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime. When you figure out which one it is, you will know what to do for each person. Mmhmm! Not everyone friendship we have will blossom.
So, who’s got your WHOLE back? For me it isn’t any of my family members or childhood friends. It’s my earthy-crunchy co-worker who is my complete opposite. And the second is my Ex, who still remains my closest male friend to this day. I appreciate them, and as much as they support me, I’m there to support them.
It’s great that I’m able to cross paths with such diverse people, but at the end of the day it’s about quality over quantity when it comes to friendships. Well, to me at least.


Hanging up my SuperMom Cape

I doubt my parenting skills often. Been doubting myself ever since the first day I brought my daughter home. I was all by myself with a 2 day old newborn. Those 6lbs 14.5oz wanted nothing more than to be loved. And I have tried my best to shower her with love and affection every single day. I have promised not to be like the Mom in the mall yesterday who slapped her 3 year old son across the face.

I know that life is full of ups and downs. Yesterday was a major down, and as a result I’m hanging up my SuperMom cape. My daughter who is 5½ was having a hard day after school. She was getting easily frustrated and whining a lot. When we finally got home she settled down a bit, and then went back to the whining. I firmly asked her to go to her room [something I never do], she looks over at me and says Mommy, I don’t want to live with you anymore, I wanna live with Daddy. My jaw dropped. I sat there starting at her for a good 5 minutes in shock, then again asked her to go to her room. As soon as she left the living room tears started flowing. Me, Mama, the most consistent person in her life. She really wants to just push me aside?

Mama who is always there for her to put a band-aid on an invisible scratch.

Mama who is there at every swimming glass grinning in pride at the edge of the pool.

Mama who dances and sings with her in the living room every evening.

Mama who is snuggled next to her every night.

Mama who is there at every parent-teacher conference, every pot-luck, every school event.

Mama who for her.

Mama who juggles being a fulltime student and fulltime employee, to make her life better.

Mama who has no social life, so I can be present and available for her every need.

Mama, whose number one priority is to love and support her.

Yes my daughter is only 5, and I know that she loves me, and that our bond is rock solid. Those tears flowed because for so long I have puffed out my chest and worn this SuperMom cape, so sure that single handedly I could provide for her every mental, emotional, and physical need. Shielding her away from toxic people and protecting her from harm. In that moment staring at her I realized that I can’t do it all, regardless of how hard I grind and how much I sacrifice.

As I was bawling on the couch, my friend who had witnessed everything went in and talked with her. She was able to communicate what she was feeling. She missed her Dad, and didn’t know why he wasn’t around all the time. Didn’t know why he said he would come and then didn’t. She was acting out because she was frustrated and didn’t know how to tell me. My heart b-r-o-k-e, because I cannot be her Mother and Father.  I have juggled this single parent thing, and tried to overcompensate for being the only adult in the home. My heart broke because I have tried to shield her from constant inconsistency, but it hasn’t worked. I’ve tried to redirect her sadness, and try to fill the void he’s left. She’s a kid, I thought, she’ll bounce back. But, she hasn’t, and this is why I hang up my SuperMom cape.

So SuperMom cape, I retire you. You are tired and worn, and need a break. I’m only human; I can only do so much. And while I never think my best is good enough, it has to be enough, because it’s all I have.


Support Make It Happen: The Young Mommy Guide To Creating A Career by The Young Mommy Life

Being a young parent has created its challenges and struggles. There are many days when I just want to throw the rag in and call it quits. I wonder if all my hard work will ever really pay off.

Enter blogger Tara from The Young Mommy Life.
I “met” Tara last year when I first began Mommy Glow. I didn’t really know where my voice fit in the virtual world. When I came across her and her site, I was like wow. Here is a young woman, a young mom, who is out there hustling, making moves, and creating a forum for other young parents to talk about the experiences us young parents encounter.
Tara has become not only my friend, but my personal cheerleader as well. She’s not someone asking me how I’m doing to be nice. She asks because she truly cares and wants to help in whatever way she can. She’s always been there for me, to help support me in my times of need. To help listen to me when I need to vent. All the way from Ohio she is a vital member of my support system.

And now I want to be there for Tara, and her recently published e-book called: Make It Happen: The Young Mommy Guide To Creating A Career You Crave available on Amazon for $5.99. I am so inspired by Tara’s go-getter attitude and her continuous positivity. She is a real inspiration to young mommies everywhere.

I was able to ask Tara more about Make It Happen and why this is a must read for all young parents, and below is what she had to say:

I decided to write a book about career and money first (as opposed to the “sexier” topics of relationships, body image and all that) because a good chunk of our day-to-day life revolves around money. For a lot of us, being a stay-at-home mom isn’t really an option – even if that’s what we long to do. So we go to work to support our families the best way we know how. Our jobs may not pay that much or we might just really feel like our job is sucking the soul right out of us. But we don’t want to complain because that job is putting food in our babies’ mouth. Right? 

I wanted to tell other young parents what I’ve learned over the past couple years – that we own our future. Too often we feel like we’re scrambling, playing catch-up, but the truth is, we’ve got just the right combination of factors – youth, motivation, drive, the new digital age that allows us to contact anyone anywhere – that makes success more than just a strong possibility for us. 

We CAN have a career that is of our making that allows us to pay the bills and then some, that gives us a daily dose of happiness. If it sounds like poppycock to you, let me just say: I’m living it now. Other moms I know are either there or well on their way. 

In the book, I help you find your passion, learn to budget so you make the most of the money you earn, and give you 20 ideas for side hustles you can start TODAY for little or no money. Once we get financially empowered, it makes all the big decisions – where we live, what we eat, where our kids go to school – so much easier to make. I hope once people finish reading, they’re ready to make that next step in their career – whether it’s reaching out to someone they admire or setting up their own website/portfolio (I cover both items in the book).

I’m proud to know Tara, and uber proud of her publishing her 1st e-book Make It Happen. I plan to read it this weekend, and hope you all take the time to download the e-book and write a review.

Let’s show her some support!