Archive for June, 2010
Father’s Day has come and gone, and I hope all the Father’s out there had a great day with their families.
As I was scrolling through the updates on my Facebook page on Father’s Day I was extremely irritated seeing friends put up posts like the following, “Big shout out to my loser Baby Daddy in jail on Father’s Day!” and “Happy Fathers Day to all the REAL fathers.” It seemed like every other post used deadbeat or no good to explain a Father. Don’t get me wrong there was also a few that proclaimed their love for their Father or child’s Father, but they were rare.
We are all entitled to our own opinions, and there are a lot of men out there that have fathered children, but will never deserve the title of Dad or Father. I should know, my … the person who is my sisters Father is not involved in mine or my daughter’s life and he sooo does not nor has he ever deserved the title of Daddy in my life. I’ve come to peace with it (after a long time of wanting him around), and maybe that’s why I’m not on Facebook or Twitter airing my dirty laundry.
There were plenty of nasty comments on Father’s Day, but where was the haterade on Mothers Day??
There are also women out there that do not deserve to be called Mom or Mommy. Such as the mother of 2 in Arizona who decided that pursuing a career as a stripper and living with her boyfriend were more important than her 6 and 11 year old boys. So, she packed up her belongings and was going to leave her sons all on their own. When her oldest tried to stop her, she punched him in the stomach! Sounds like a superb mom if you ask me! That ‘mom’ was arrested by Arizona police and charged with possessing drug paraphernalia, disorderly conduct, and child neglect.
My aggravation comes from the fact that on Mother’s Day it’s not commonplace for people to talk negatively about deadbeat Moms, but why is it so regular and expected for people to talk smack on Father’s Day. I firmly believe that there are as many deadbeat Moms as there are Dads, but there is less media coverage on them, and they are better hidden within our society.
Why is it ok to talk negatively about Fathers, but not Mothers?
I was in the grocery store this morning picking up my baby girl so flowers for her preschool graduation. When it was my turn at the register, I brought out my wallet and inside is a picture of her from last year cheesing as usual. The woman smiled at the picture then asked if that was my daughter, I smiled and said yes. She then looked at me and said, oh wow you don’t look like a Mom.
This isn’t the first time someone has said that to me. When someone says this to me I usually roll my eyes and ignore their statement. But this time I replied to the woman, I didn’t realize I didn’t look like a Mom, what does a Mom look like? The woman, surprised by my response, ignored my comment and continued ringing up my flowers. I thanked her when I was walking away, but was kinda upset too.
Since I apparently don’t look like a Mommy, what does a Mom look like? Does she drive a minivan? Does she have gum in her hair and cheesecurl stains on her shirt? Does she have a kid attached to her hip and one in a stroller? Is she White? Does she have a wedding band on? Does she look disheveled and half asleep?
Today I was looking pretty fabulous if you ask me. I put on a little makeup to brighten up my face, finally put some earrings in, and I had on a cute khaki dress that zippered in the front. I was polite to the woman and was not nasty, so why didn’t she assume that I could be a Mother?
I recently read an article over on essence magazine’s website titled, “Is it harder for Black Moms” and I of course instantly began thinking about this issue. It’s not something I had ever considered before. That my race, my being a black mother, put me in another lane, another field, another planet. Then I dug a little deeper.
I gave birth to my daughter 4 days shy of my 20th birthday almost 5 years ago. I fit oh so many stereotypes. I was unwed. I was a minority. I was a teenage mother. What do the statistics say? That teenage mothers probably don’t finish their education. That black moms will end up on welfare and section 8. That I’d end up have 3 or 4 baby’s daddies. That I’d just end up being a broke baby mama. These are the messages that are around us.
Its sad, its disgusting, its discouraging, and it enrages me.
So is it harder for black moms? Is it harder for Spanish moms? Is it harder for Asian moms? Is it harder for white moms living in an inner city? Is it harder for black moms living in the suburbs? I mean, we could go on and on and on and on.
I could view my beautiful caramel skin tone as a disadvantage just as many others do. I could blame my complexion on the fact that I didn’t get that job. Could use it to reason why the cop in the store was eyeing me up and down. I mean, if we truly think we are at a disadvantage then won’t be?
I’m a huge huge believer that your future is what you make of it. While I cannot make people do what I want, I can change my reaction to people and situations. Instead of always jumping to conclusions and blaming my race, changing my perception will allow me to see the bigger picture not just what I see through my narrow lens.
I think we as a society need to start taking responsibility for ourselves and stop looking for someone or something to blame.
But that’s just me.
So yesterday Her Momma over at Finally Mom honored me and Mommy Glow with the Trendy Blog Award!!
Yay Mommy Glow!! I’ve been working so hard balancing my hectic life and Mommy Glow, and I’ve loved connecting with other bloggers and have made some great friends in the process. Words bond and unite people, it’s incredible.
Part of receiving this Trendy award is nominating 8 other blogs to receive the Trendy Blog Award.
Druuum roll please!
I’m passing this award on to the following 8 blogs:
To receive this award, promise to share this with 8 other blogs that you think are Trendy too!
1. Post about your award in your blog.
2. Share with your fellow bloggers.
3. Ask recipients to give this award out to 8 as well
Have a TRENDY day!
So, I didn’t have a good start to the morning. Ugh.
It all started once I got to my daughter’s daycare. I Brought her in her classroom, hung up her sweater and lunchbox, kissed her precious little forehead, and walked out of her classroom. As I was walking out, I saw her… and I froze. Our eyes connected and it was as if the world froze. It took everything in me to not attack.
Let me back up. In January of last year while I was in CVS I saw my daughter’s father and his new ‘girlfriend’ and her son. He and I at that time we not on speaking terms, and he had not seen his daughter in a month or so. As soon as I saw them I froze. And so did he. I walked over to them, said hi to him (which totally freaked him out) put my hand out and said hi, I’m his daughter’s mother, are you his girlfriend? She said yes and I walked away. As soon as that door to CVS opened I started my meltdown. I quickly called a friend as tears rushed down my face. How could he spend time with her when he doesn’t even see his child? How can he spend time with her son when he doesn’t even show interest in his own daughter?
That girl in CVS looks a lot like the new teacher at my daughter’s daycare. I obviously know it’s not her, but it’s his type. Which looks nothing like me at all. But seeing her brings me back to that chilly night in January and it makes me want to e.x.p.l.o.d.e. I know I shouldn’t care, and it really really bothers me that I let it get to me so much.
All I know is that when I see her, my heart rate accelerates and my hands instantly turn into fists and turn rock solid. (Pause: I’m not a violent person, I’ve never gotten into a fight-ever)
It broke my heart to see him with a new girlfriend last year when he and I had so many unresolved issues and hadn’t really had an official breakup.
I know that I should just brush it off, I mean this girl has no place in my life, I shouldn’t care about her, or let her impact me so much, where when I get into my car I start bawling. Geez, what’s wrong with me?! And so what if by chance he is I’m dating someone, who happens to be a phenomenal person, so why why why does he still impact me so much??